Question from FitBuff Member: Xavier from Pennsylvania
"I'm pretty good at getting girls' numbers, but they hardly ever call back. Why would she give me her number, if she doesn't plan on calling me back?"
Answer: Excellent question Xavier! This seemingly unusual behavior stumps the minds of many men. Here are 4 of the most common reasons why your phone isn't ringing, along with advice on how to make sure it never stops!
You're out for a night on the town, and you're feeling great. Your confidence is up, your breath is minty fresh, and you've still got a little pump going from that workout you did a few hours ago. You spot your target over by the bar: a tall, slim, exotic beauty laughing it up with her equally hot friends. They are arranged with their backs to the bar and are facing out into the action (good sign, they're open for approach).
You remind yourself again how great you feel and make your way over to Long-Legged Lane. You open with a funny line about them blocking your path to the bar. They all giggle, and that's the last thing you remember. After that, everything happened so quickly, but you do remember that the tall, slim, exotic beauty gave you her number (nice work!).
The next day at home, you find the folded napkin in your pocket. Carmella. You can barely make out your half-nervous, half-excited handwriting. You dial the number…ring…ring…ring…"Hi, this is Carmella, I'm not around right now, so leave me a message after the beep." Well, you heard the woman, she said, "leave me a message."
"Uhh…hello…this is Bob…I met you last night at…um…that bar…I can't think of the name of it…but, yeah, I was just calling to see if maybe you wanted to…uh…get together…ok…thanks, bye." Wooo! That was intense, and you're glad it's over. Now, you sit back and wait for Carmella to call you back.
Next day. She still hasn't called back. She must be busy, right? Probably hasn't checked her voicemail yet. Day 3: Still nothing. But, she gave me her real number, so I know she likes me, and she'll call back! Day 4, 5, 6: (crickets chirping)
We've all been in Bob's position. What happened here? Why would a girl give us her phone number and then completely ignore our call(s)?
There are many common reasons why they torture you so, along with any number of other infinite possibilities. We'll explore the top 4 below:
- Ego: Yes, it's true. Women have egos just like us. Sometimes, when she is feeling "unsexy" or "unloved", a woman may give you her number just to boost her self-esteem. This simple act reminds her that men find her attractive and are actively pursuing her. It doesn't mean she's a bad person or an attention whore–necessarily. We all have days when we could use a little boost, and we succumb to our own egos.
- Too Nice: Some women are just too nice. They think it's so sweet and cute that you came over to them, they can't shoot you down, even if they're not attracted to you at all. So, she gives you her number, knowing that she has no intention of returning your calls. Again, not a terrible thing to do, given the alternative. Imagine being a beautiful woman who gets approached by dozens, if not hundreds, of guys per week. You'd probably find yourself doing the same thing.
- You Called Too Soon: There's all sorts of "scientific" rules on how long you should wait to call. Some say 2 days, some 3 days, some an entire week! The truth is the time varies depending on every situation. In Bob's case, he just had a brief encounter with Carmella and probably didn't spend more than 2-3 minutes with her and her friends. Therefore, there wasn't much of a connection made, and Carmella may have thought he came on a little too strong/desperate by calling less than 12 hours later.
On the other hand, if you meet a woman for the first time, and you can really feel a great connection and spark between the two of you, she would probably love it if you called her the very next day. I know it's confusing, but welcome to the wonderful world of women. The key is to assess each situation and woman. If it's a casual meeting and you know she probably isn't waiting by the phone for your call, then wait 2-3 days and play it cool. If you feel something special with a girl you just met and you think she does too, then call her the next day to put both of your minds at ease and set up the next meeting.
- Voicemail Message – You may have done everything right: smooth and confident in the opener, charmed her and had her laughing, and waited 2-3 days to call. But, once you got the voicemail on the first call, you panicked. You stumbled through your message with "uh's" and "um's", and you weren't clear on when you wanted to get together or what you wanted to do. Now, the cool, confident guy she met the other night doesn't seem as attractive. Remember, to put it in perspective: for women, confidence ranks about as high as boobs and butts do for us!
Whether you get the voicemail or her directly, be casual and assertive. Say, "Hey Carmella! It's Bob, we met the other night at Mulligan's. I'm going out Wednesday night to grab a drink, and I'd love it if you came along. My number is 555-5555. Talk to you soon!" (You're free to use this word-for-word, but don't get nervous and actually say "555-5555". Insert your own number please.)
Also, if you made a joke or any kind of funny remark that she laughed at when you first met, bring that up in the message in a humorous way. This will remind her why she gave you her number in the first place: you made her laugh and seem like a fun guy to be around (translation: you're getting a callback!).
The most important thing to remember is, "Never get hung up (pun intended) on one girl you just met!" If you've ruled out the most common reasons for her not calling back and followed all the advice above, just move on. There's literally an infinite number of nuances and possibilities as to why you're calls are falling on deaf ears. It's OK. It's happened to even the smoothest of players, and it's part of dating.
Now, get out there, get some more numbers, and get some more callbacks! They say, "You miss 100% of the shots you don't shoot." Well, "100% of the women you DON'T call will never call you back!"
Do you have a success and/or failure story about getting a woman's number? Share your experience, and tell us what happened!
23,254 views
{ 2 trackbacks }
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
Well although I admit that I am the opposite of the successful guy with women, I still believe that my opinion might be of some worth.
I believe that you don't have to wait in order to know if she will call you back, the truth is there, the chance is there, what ever you have to do, say or try just do it there on the first time even before you get her number (of course although I know what I should do as many men do know, I am unable to act in accordance to my knowledge, fear and other emotions always win, the more I like the girl the less chances I have!!!).
I mean what's the big deal about getting her number, why you believe you will be better, more confident, more attracting, more cool, more funny etc the second time you will see her! Usually it is the opposite, the second time you will be less capable, the more you connect, the more you like her, the more you think of her the more you hurt your chances!
I mean come on, give me a break about this "get number" deal, you have the chance to "play", there in front of you, you have the chance to decide going on or moving away just in front of you (and I don't mean to be fast and brutal), you have the chance to decide if it is worth and is going to work even before you get the number (this is better, you avoid spending time and heart breaking). If you cannot pass her tests on that night, if you cannot make your self comfortable with her on that night, if you don't make her wanting to stay and talk with you at those moments before getting the number why you believe will do better after getting the number.
Do not get her number, don't ask it if you know that it is not going to work. And come one guys, we know it, in every game there is a moment that the looser decides to loose (I am an expert on this), after that moment he has no chance, all he does are just unworthy moves until he realzies it is over (the sooner you realize you lost the better).
I am sorry for not being optimistic, but I will tell you one thing, the sooner you leave the better!!! even if she could be the woman of your life no problem, cause you don't know it, cause there are so many other "women of your life".
Sory for being long, conclusion: play the game before getting the number, if success then ask the number, unless you want to gain some experience in the rejection area!
I couldn't agree anymore about not getting hung up on the girl we just meet. There are so many issues in the society that it is futile to spend too much time trying to figure out the reasons why she does what she is doing. Of course that changes when one starts to get to know the girl a bit after a few dates.
so, i meet this girl.. talk to her and her friend for couple minutes, and leave em alone. Later in the night, I meet em again. This time, the girl I was interested in looked like she is very interested in talking.. so I offered to buy her a drink, isolate her from her friends.. talk for long time.. we have fun.. we go to dance floor.. things get quite cozy ;-)so after 30 mins or so, I kiss her bye (on the chick) she asks me to call her the next day for lunch..
I call her the next day around 3 pm.. cause i remember she said she works till 1pm.. (waited couple hours so i dont seem needy).. she doesnt answer, I leave a message.. and she doesnt call back.. i dont know what the f is the problem.. i am really clueless.. we really had great time, conversation, she wasnt drunk (obviously she had couple drinks)but everything seemed great…
this just sucks..
my message was- hey this is shawn.. met you last night at [bar name]wondering how is your day today, give me a call sometime, we will chat!
I freaken hate this!
My friend introduced me to this girl about three weeks ago and he said she was "single and looking". To make a long story short, my friend and his girl, the new girl, and myself hung out at a diner later that night. I felt like we had a connection so, afterwords, I asked "new girl" for her number. I asked, "Can I call you sometime?" She said, "Yeah, here's my number." After the second time hanging out with her at her job (she's a go go dancer), I asked her if she wanted to hang out. She said to call her. A week later, I call her and a day later, I'm still waiting for her to call. Those two times I saw her, it seemed like there was a connection between us. Now I really don't understand why she gave me her number, said she wanted to hang out, and now she hasn't call me back yet. How should I approach this situation?
So I ran into an old friend of mine from college. We started talking and I asked for her number at end of night. She gave it and I called. She was busy to go out so I let it go thinking she didn't like me. 3 days later she texts me to go out for drinks. I am busy and tell her I cant but lets do raincheck. She texts me two days later asking me to meet for drinks. I can, and meet up with her. It is obvious she likes me the way she dressed up all pretty and there was deffinite flirting going on. I was a gentleman and didnt try to give goodnight kiss or anything. It had seemed to go well. I still wasnt sure if she thought we were friends or what though. A few days later I ask if she wants to go to club. She says yes and we go out. We dance together and I hold her hand the entire night. Im feeling so happy about this becuase it has been sooo long since I have found someone I liked. At end of night she lingers saying goodbye. And does thta lookk where you know they want to be kissed. So i kiss her and then she turns to leave and i say wait.. and I grab her and kiss her passionately and then we both laugh and she smiles. She leaves. I am the happiest guy in the world at this point. Literally running around at home. I even wait two days before calling her again. She doesnt answer. I leave message saying hey, lets meet up again sometime. I had a lot of fun. I dont text or call her back at all. Its been 4 days now. No call back. I am really sad because I know( i think) i didnt do anything wrong. I didnt pester her with calls or texts… i called once.. and left message saying my intentions of meeting her again. I thought things had gone amazing. I was a gentleman, we laughed and had chemistry, she held my hand the whole night and kept giving me cute flirty looks, and she kissedme for a while before she left. What happened between that and now? I dont think it was out of control for me to call once? Is it just because she is busy? But to me…. isnt it kind of rude after 4 days not to at least text and say hey i had fun too or hey im busy but will let u know when im free? at least then i wouldnt be sitting here being like what the hell happened or what did i do wrong. I am type of person that usually calls too much or ruins it by being too desperate.. But calling once? I was sooo proud of myself. And its not like the date went bad. Obviously it went well. PLEASE ANY HELP WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED. I REALLY LIKE HER A LOT. I THINK SHES AMAZING AND BEAUTIFUL AND SMART AND FUNNY AND IT UPSETS ME THAT I THINK I DID NOTHING WRONG AND STILL NO CALL BACK.
Holy S***, guys! i mean, c'mon! just kidding… no replies here? Well I am no ladies' man or i wouldnt be on the website obviously…….. but here ya go:
Kv2200AD – SHE'S a GO-Go dancer! Wake up.. I think MOST of them play by different rules altogether, I mean you got a second meet-up, but at HER workplace. Was she working?? If so, then there you go. Done. Try finding one somewhere else…
Russell – Girls always dress up nice when going out, we're the bums, if one were to not dress up… Okay, you did nice by noticing she was giving the look, but mmmaaayyyybbbeee she is just that – a happy-go-lucky old college friend that is flirty (like so many…) at the club, and maybe she really wanted to kiss, but the laugh and smile as she leaves could have been an indicator.. So maybe the passionate kiss wasn't right for the second time out – for her. Keep it simple at first, mostly.. (there are always exceptions) Then, you messed up. You fell for her! right?! Sounds like it. Don't do that. you knew her before, but now is NOW, she's started over in her head (unless she says/indicates otherwise …) and now you have to treat her as someone you just met.. yeah that sux. Yet you did right by not bugging her with calls and messages. But you said you did call her once with your intentions of meeting her again – did you come off like you were the happiest man alive?? did you possibly speak/act a little too excited in your message? Probably, but maybe not. If you did, ya gotta play that down and it may be too late. So you have to get that notion of how great she is out of your head. bring it back to 2 college friends hanging out. Hell it's been over a month since your post and if you haven't called her since, well, what the hell are you waiting for? just keep it SLOW-ER -in YOUR head, that is. It is hard trying to keep emotion from running amuck in our heads when we met someone we like, and for someone that hasn't met someone else that they actually like in a while, then it is twice as hard. But these emotions just totally F**k things up for us guys. Well except for the players out there, or else they wouldn't be players. a girl wants the same, but if they were to cave in to their feelings and be upfront with everyone they like, then we would all be enjoying a bunch of orgies, because WE definitely wouldn't say no… These 'games' suk, but we all have to play.. or pay to play! Maybe you outta talk to Kv2200AD and find out that GO-GO bar! j/k. … … Or maybe she is a stuck-up B**ch! Aye?? too much? j/k again.
There are plenty of fish out there, if you don't get any bites, try using a different bait (roofies, money, a gun… HAHA, no don't do THAT)
Happy Hunting Fellas!
GAME ON!
Call her to tell her when you're going to call her next. Try to keep on a proper schedule so that you're the MAN that's running the relationship, not leaving all the contact choices up to her.
Guys make the biggest mistakes by allowing the "fear of rejection" to overcome their otherwise logical thought processes.
When you MEET her the first time, and you get her NUMBER, tell her when you're GOING TO CALL her. And stick to that. Don't put too much importance on one girl (as noted in the above article) but don't leave her wondering why you never called or why you called a week later.
Women are just other people. Don't treat her like a buddy, but don';t be afraid to talk with her… and if you don't have much to say, then just get off the phone.