Question from FitBuff Member: Xavier from Pennsylvania
“I’m pretty good at getting girls’ numbers, but they hardly ever call back. Why would she give me her number, if she doesn’t plan on calling me back?”
Answer: Excellent question Xavier! This seemingly unusual behavior stumps the minds of many men. Here are 4 of the most common reasons why your phone isn’t ringing, along with advice on how to make sure it never stops!
You’re out for a night on the town, and you’re feeling great. Your confidence is up, your breath is minty fresh, and you’ve still got a little pump going from that workout you did a few hours ago. You spot your target over by the bar: a tall, slim, exotic beauty laughing it up with her equally hot friends. They are arranged with their backs to the bar and are facing out into the action (good sign, they’re open for approach).
You remind yourself again how great you feel and make your way over to Long-Legged Lane. You open with a funny line about them blocking your path to the bar. They all giggle, and that’s the last thing you remember. After that, everything happened so quickly, but you do remember that the tall, slim, exotic beauty gave you her number (nice work!).
The next day at home, you find the folded napkin in your pocket. Carmella. You can barely make out your half-nervous, half-excited handwriting. You dial the number…ring…ring…ring…”Hi, this is Carmella, I’m not around right now, so leave me a message after the beep.” Well, you heard the woman, she said, “leave me a message.”
“Uhh…hello…this is Bob…I met you last night at…um…that bar…I can’t think of the name of it…but, yeah, I was just calling to see if maybe you wanted to…uh…get together…ok…thanks, bye.” Wooo! That was intense, and you’re glad it’s over. Now, you sit back and wait for Carmella to call you back.
Next day. She still hasn’t called back. She must be busy, right? Probably hasn’t checked her voicemail yet. Day 3: Still nothing. But, she gave me her real number, so I know she likes me, and she’ll call back! Day 4, 5, 6: (crickets chirping)
We’ve all been in Bob’s position. What happened here? Why would a girl give us her phone number and then completely ignore our call(s)?
There are many common reasons why they torture you so, along with any number of other infinite possibilities. We’ll explore the top 4 below:
- Ego: Yes, it’s true. Women have egos just like us. Sometimes, when she is feeling “unsexy” or “unloved”, a woman may give you her number just to boost her self-esteem. This simple act reminds her that men find her attractive and are actively pursuing her. It doesn’t mean she’s a bad person or an attention whore–necessarily. We all have days when we could use a little boost, and we succumb to our own egos.
- Too Nice: Some women are just too nice. They think it’s so sweet and cute that you came over to them, they can’t shoot you down, even if they’re not attracted to you at all. So, she gives you her number, knowing that she has no intention of returning your calls. Again, not a terrible thing to do, given the alternative. Imagine being a beautiful woman who gets approached by dozens, if not hundreds, of guys per week. You’d probably find yourself doing the same thing.
- You Called Too Soon: There’s all sorts of “scientific” rules on how long you should wait to call. Some say 2 days, some 3 days, some an entire week! The truth is the time varies depending on every situation. In Bob’s case, he just had a brief encounter with Carmella and probably didn’t spend more than 2-3 minutes with her and her friends. Therefore, there wasn’t much of a connection made, and Carmella may have thought he came on a little too strong/desperate by calling less than 12 hours later.
On the other hand, if you meet a woman for the first time, and you can really feel a great connection and spark between the two of you, she would probably love it if you called her the very next day. I know it’s confusing, but welcome to the wonderful world of women. The key is to assess each situation and woman. If it’s a casual meeting and you know she probably isn’t waiting by the phone for your call, then wait 2-3 days and play it cool. If you feel something special with a girl you just met and you think she does too, then call her the next day to put both of your minds at ease and set up the next meeting.
- Voicemail Message – You may have done everything right: smooth and confident in the opener, charmed her and had her laughing, and waited 2-3 days to call. But, once you got the voicemail on the first call, you panicked. You stumbled through your message with “uh’s” and “um’s”, and you weren’t clear on when you wanted to get together or what you wanted to do. Now, the cool, confident guy she met the other night doesn’t seem as attractive. Remember, to put it in perspective: for women, confidence ranks about as high as boobs and butts do for us!
Whether you get the voicemail or her directly, be casual and assertive. Say, “Hey Carmella! It’s Bob, we met the other night at Mulligan’s. I’m going out Wednesday night to grab a drink, and I’d love it if you came along. My number is 555-5555. Talk to you soon!” (You’re free to use this word-for-word, but don’t get nervous and actually say “555-5555”. Insert your own number please.)
Also, if you made a joke or any kind of funny remark that she laughed at when you first met, bring that up in the message in a humorous way. This will remind her why she gave you her number in the first place: you made her laugh and seem like a fun guy to be around (translation: you’re getting a callback!).
The most important thing to remember is, “Never get hung up (pun intended) on one girl you just met!” If you’ve ruled out the most common reasons for her not calling back and followed all the advice above, just move on. There’s literally an infinite number of nuances and possibilities as to why you’re calls are falling on deaf ears. It’s OK. It’s happened to even the smoothest of players, and it’s part of dating.
Now, get out there, get some more numbers, and get some more callbacks! They say, “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t shoot.” Well, “100% of the women you DON’T call will never call you back!”
Do you have a success and/or failure story about getting a woman’s number? Share your experience, and tell us what happened!