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How to Win an Argument

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This is a follow-up to the recent Dealing With Difficult Relatives post. That original post sets the context for this article, so if you haven’t read the original article, you should definitely do that first. Otherwise, you won’t likely understand the context for this post. If you expect this will be an article about how to out-debate your co-workers, you’re coming at it from the wrong context. Read the original post first.

How do you handle the situation where the other person continually sucks you into an argument that you never seem to be able to win?

In a typical argument, each person tries to prove themselves right and the other person wrong. Of course, we all know what happens in the end — each person only ends up more entrenched in their views, regardless of who seems to deliver the most dominant argument.

An argument cannot be won with resistance. You will only strengthen the other person’s resolve. At best you will both leave in a state of stubbornness, but little communication will have actually occurred.

The way to “win” an argument is to aim for a goal other than being right. The other person will be prepared to defend against someone who is trying to prove themselves right. Trying to prove yourself right and the other person wrong is like making a frontal assault on an entrenched enemy position. You’ll need overwhelming force to win, and your victory will come at great cost, if you can even pull it off. Plus you’ll leave your relationship wounded in the end.

So instead of trying to be right, I’ve found that the best way to win an argument is to go for an entirely different goal. This has worked for me every time I’ve applied it, and I’ve used it dozens of times.

If you aren’t trying to win the argument, then what is your goal? I suggest you set the goal of attempting to raise the other person’s awareness while maintaining your own sense of inner peace. By this I mean that you focus on helping the other person become more aware of the full extent of their behavior and how it affects you and others, but without taking ownership of anything the other person says.

This means you keep your focus on the other person and their behavior. Whenever s/he tries to pigeonhole you into a negative role, you simply side-step their comments and then redirect their own energy back upon them. In a way it’s like verbal martial arts. Never defend against any of their comments. Simply redirect the comments back to the person.

In other words, you don’t attack — ever. You merely deflect the other person’s attacks back to them, over and over. You become like a mirror. So the more the other person tries to attack you, the more they weaken themselves. People can’t punch themselves in the face for too long.

If someone were to try to attack me in an argument, I would just say things like, “You seem to be fairly upset about this. Why do you think that is?” or “So you’re saying you’d like to feel free to disregard my requests if you don’t agree with them. Is that correct?” or “Is this how you’d like to continue to feel about this situation?” or “Do you feel your behavior towards me is honorable and respectful?”

Stay focused on the other person and their feelings, not your own. But don’t take ownership of anything they say. Simply allow it to pass through you like a knife through water and come out the other side. And metaphorically speaking, keep asking the person about the knife they’re holding and how they feel about it.

Usually the other person will start by answering all my questions with the words, “Because you…” My goal is to help guide the other person to focus on their own feelings, and I know I’m making progress when their answers begin taking the form of “Because I…” I help them to take ownership of their feelings.

Remember that if someone offers you a gift, and you decline to accept it, the other person still owns that gift. The same is true of insults and verbal attacks. In order for there to be any sting to the attack, you must accept it. Simply decline the “gift” and the other person won’t be able to land a single blow no matter how hard they try. Be like air or water — if they try to attack you, they merely wear themselves out.

This takes practice, but it works extremely well. The key is to put yourself into a state of compassion and empathy and keep reminding yourself that the negativity isn’t about you — it’s an internal issue the other person is dealing with. So whatever the other person says, you simply reflect it back to them. This will have the effect of raising the other person’s awareness. Many times people can’t handle that, so they’ll either blow up emotionally or give up. Either way, it helps put an end to the previous destructive relationship and paves the way for something better to emerge.

A technique I use to keep myself focused on raising the other person’s awareness is that I form a mental image of that person’s “higher self.” I imagine the best possible form of that person — their soul if you will — standing in the room with us like an apparition. Then I put myself in a state where I feel like I’m channeling the thoughts of that higher self, and I allow the higher self to speak through me and to ask all the questions. This is amazingly effective — in fact, it works so well that I wonder if I am indeed channeling some kind of higher self. I’ve learned to simply trust the words that pop into my mind and speak them, even if they don’t seem like the right thing to say from a logical standpoint. Invariably the questions and observations do help guide the other person to be more in tune with their own highest and best self. They begin seeing their behavior and the relationship in a whole new light, and that’s what often leads to some sort of emotional breakdown. Tears are common.

There are two ways this type of conversation ends — 1) the other person can’t handle facing the situation and basically runs away, or 2) the other person has some kind of emotional catharsis which makes it possible to heal the relationship. Most of the time the outcome is #2 if the relationship bond is fairly strong, and #1 if the relationship bond is weak. I find that typically this takes 2-3 hours of conversation to reach the point of #2. If you hit #1, that’s OK too. Just keep using the same strategy on each encounter, and you’ll eventually hit #2 — either that or you’ll permanently scare the person away from trying to argue with you.

Now if you don’t have this kind of time, then you may want to use a short-cut approach to simply delay the confrontation, or the relationship may be so loose that it’s not worth the effort to raise the other person’s awareness. In that case you can simply deflect the arguments with humor, or you can ignore them altogether.

It does take practice and patience to use this type of approach, and it hinges upon your ability to keep yourself in a high state of awareness, focusing on unconditional love and compassion for the other person. I don’t think of it as having a thick skin but rather as having reflective skin or even no skin. You have to put yourself in a state where you are unattackable. This will frustrate the other person to no end, but that’s the point — to let the other person burn off all their negative energy by swinging at air. And as they grow tired, their own shields will begin to collapse. But instead of attacking at that point, you empathize and connect with them and strive to reconnect them with their truest and best self.

For me this has become an ingrained way of communicating. Whenever I get attacked by someone wanting to provoke an argument, I simply see it as a cry for help. The other person is disconnected from their true self, and my role (time permitting) is to help reconnect them. I can’t do that if I step into the ring with them. But I can let them swing at air and exhaust themselves until they’re ready to face the parts of themselves that are causing them this pain, and then they can begin to reconnect and to heal.

If you try this approach, and you can’t seem to keep yourself in a higher state of awareness without being dragged into negativity by the other person, then you’ve got a different situation at hand, one which cannot be solved at the same level of thinking in which this post is written. I’ll write another post on how to handle that situation soon.

This article is copyright © by Steve Pavlina and is reprinted with permission. For more personal development articles, visit Steve Pavlina’s Personal Development for Smart People.

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Everything You Need For A Home Gym Fitness

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Let’s say that you want to change your lifestyle. Some people buy new clothes, others get a haircut. However, there are those that want to devote themselves to the process of transforming their body entirely.

Getting Started

Nowadays, people are getting more and more interested in creating a home gym. This way, you can enjoy the comfort of your home without anyone looking or staring at you. Working out from home is the best. With the growing popularity of online fitness coaches like CALIBER you can have all the benefits of a fully qualified expert for your home gym. Online trainers can develop exercise plans that incorporate your home gym equipment to ensure you get a great workout and create the body of your dreams. After you’re done, you can take a shower and watch a movie. There’s not a single person that doesn’t love this. Here’s some of the equipment that you might need to create your own personal home gym:

Working out is not something everyone’s fond of because it involves a lot of physical activities and sweating. Those that work out will tell you that the feeling is incredible. Not only is it good for your health, but for your physique as well. If you want to get slimmer and fitter, then you need to start working out as well.

Moreover, some people enjoy going to the gym. They like the company of others and can easily make new friends there. If you are not one of those people, then don’t worry. You can still work out even if you don’t visit a gym regularly.

Essential Home Gym Equipment

Nowadays, people are getting more and more interested in creating a home gym. This way, you can enjoy the comfort of your home without anyone looking or staring at you. Working out from home is the best. After you’re done, you can take a shower and watch a movie. There’s not a single person that doesn’t love this. Here’s some of the equipment that you might need to create your own personal home gym:

Weights

Weights are usually small and very practical. They are quite affordable as well. You can walk into a sports store and easily find the ones that will be good for you. If you are a beginner at this, then it is advisable that you get the lighter ones so that your arm can get used to the weight.

Once you get better at it, you can purchase the heavier ones. Every physical activity has a technique that needs to be mastered. You can watch online tutorials on how to accurately lift them. This will definitely get you those slimmer and tighter arms that you want.

Jump Rope

This item is probably the most practical one. Jump ropes are extremely easy to find, and they are probably one of the cheapest things you can get for a good workout. There are all sorts of activities you can do with a rope that will probably define every piece of your body. The jump rope is good for the calves, legs, thighs, hands, and arms. Make sure to check out Home Gym Reviewed for more details.

It is very easy to use, and all you have to do is jump. At first, it will be probably rather tricky because you’ll get quickly tired. Once you get the hang of it, you can jump a lot quicker and faster. Make sure to challenge yourself to do more and more jumping jacks each time you use the rope.

Exercise Ball

This item is also suitable for doing all kinds of physical activities. If you don’t know where to star, you can hire a personal trainer to come to your house and show you all sorts of techniques with it. The second option is to watch videos online with professional fitness instructors and how they use the exercise ball. The ball is affordable and really fun to use. You won’t be able to stop once you learn how to do the exercises with it. You can use it to build abs around your abdominal area or thighs as well. Whatever you choose to do with it, make sure that you sweat. A good workout always comes with a lot of sweat.

Stationary Bicycle

It’s the same as riding a bike, but you won’t be moving at all. You know how everyone says that it is very good for your health to ride a bike constantly? Well, you can get a stationary bike for your home gym and work out those legs and thighs. It’s a great piece of equipment that every homeowner needs to have. Read more here. The sensation and the feeling are the same as riding a regular bike. The more you ride it, the faster you’ll get the desired effect. Just don’t overwork your legs because they will hurt a lot later on.

Final Thoughts

Putting together your own home gym can be a rewarding experience. Often, you’ll be required to invest much less money than you think—provided you know how to shop! Careful study of home gym equipment reviews and your own personal goals will help guide you through the journey as seamlessly as possible!

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Nashville Personal Trainers for the Ultimate Body Transformation

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Some people prefer to work out at home where they’re most comfortable in. This can provide some results, but it won’t be the same if, for example, you work out with a trainer. You see, at home, you have no one to watch you and correct you if you’re doing something wrong. You can end up doing an exercise wrong all the time and risk damaging a nerve or a muscle in the body. This is not good, especially if you’re looking forward to losing weight.

Go With a Pro

Burning calories is easy. You just need to be persistent and motivated to do so. We all like to lie around in our beds, hoping to lose weight only by watching what we eat. This is not effective at all. You can lose 1 or 2 pounds by not eating unhealthy food, but it won’t make much of a difference. If you’re overweight, watching what you eat won’t be enough.

Benefits of Personal Trainers

This is where personal trainers come in handy. If you live in Tennessee, you would be able to find professional trainers very quickly. Nashville has quite the selection of experienced and knowledgeable instructors that will make all the difference in your life. Here’s why:

Quick results

If you have someone to monitor your progress continually, then you would be able to lose fat sooner. A trainer will show you the right technique for each exercise and create a nutrition plan that you have to follow. Just by following their program, you can start to notice a difference right away, instead of waiting for some miracle at home. You probably don’t know that much about a good fitness regime like a professional trainer does. Leave all the planning to the experts; you just play by their rules.

Avoiding injuries

Do you know how easy it is to pull a muscle or break a bone? Not doing the activities correctly can lead to all of that. That’s why it is safer to try your luck with a trainer and hope for the best. A trainer can guide you through all of the exercises until you learn to perfect them yourself. For example, lifting weights without guidance is the ultimate recipe for damaging your arm muscles. If you have a fitness instructor present at all times, you minimize the risk of injuries. So don’t waste any more time and find the perfect trainer for your workout.

Gaining muscle

Some prefer to lose only fat. Others want to build muscles. There can be a combination of both if you ask the right person for it. An experienced trainer will show you how to balance those things. Sure, you have to sweat and work really hard, but in the end, you’ll get the complete body transformation that you’ve been wanting since forever. Gaining muscle is a long process that involves proper nutrition like intake on proteins most of the time. You would be able to get used to that in no time, just be patient.

Setting goals

If you feel like you can’t set goals for yourself or don’t know how to, then leave it to the pros. Once you hire a personal trainer, you won’t have to worry about all of that. They can create a list of goals that you have to work really hard to achieve them. Of course, they would be here for the entire process to keep track of your progress. Setting goals will increase motivation, and they will lead you closer to your desire for the perfect body. Also, a trainer would be able to set realistic goals so that you wouldn’t lose hope.

Innovative workout routines

You can quickly get bored with repeating the same exercises over and over again. This might lead a person to quit if something repeatedly happens all the time. But, professional trainers know this. That’s why they mix up different combinations of physical activities so that each day you have something new to try out. This way, the whole fitness regime wouldn’t be monotonous. It will add to the sense of excitement and surprise trying to figure out what you will do next. Sooner or later, you can learn them all.

Establishing exercising habits

Let’s say that you’ve reached your goal. You were able to transform your body into something you’re glad of. This doesn’t mean that you should stop exercising altogether. You should continue the journey so that the body can stay fit. Believe it or not, after all that exercising and sweating, your trainer would have already made it a habit of you to exercise regularly. Once you get up in the morning, all you’ll want to do is go through a good workout. This is how things should go on in the future. Trainers pass their knowledge onto their clients to use it forever. To find out more click here.

Challenge

An excellent instructor would always challenge you to do and achieve more. Let’s say that you’ve done 50 jumping jacks. Each time your instructor would challenge you to beat your own score. This is how you get better and more confident in life. Soon you would be able to do 300 jumping jacks without breaking a sweat. It might seem impossible in the beginning, but with time and proper technique, you can achieve anything you set your mind to. You just need someone to challenge you all the way until you become a better version of yourself.

Encouragement

Everyone can have a minor setback when going through a journey of transformation. Let’s say that you’ve gained a pound or two instead of losing them. It’s normal for these things to happen. You mustn’t get discouraged once they occur. You are on the right track, but sometimes it takes a lot of time to notice a difference. This doesn’t mean that you won’t at all. Your personal trainer will encourage you constantly not to give up and embrace every setback as a lesson in life.

 

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5 Types Of Mobile Games That Can Actually Help Your Mind

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featMobile gaming is often viewed as a way to pass the time, or simply as entertainment. More often than not, these are perfectly fair descriptions. On other occasions, mobile apps and games can help optimize both body and mind!

Mobile Games & Puzzles for Brain Health

However, the mobile gaming market is vast, and among the offerings there are also some games that can help to train your mind in various ways, or in some cases improve wellness. Here, we wanted to give some examples of types of mobile games that can serve these purposes.

1. Escape Puzzles

In the real world, “escape room” attractions have become wildly popular in just the last few years. They’re generally seen as weekend recreation options for groups of friends or colleagues, but there are also those who believe they benefit your brain health. To our knowledge there aren’t in-depth studies into this phenomenon’s mental benefits just yet, but there’s certainly something to be said for the idea. Escape rooms lead to everything from positive moods to improved memory and heightened social skills. Escape puzzle games don’t carry all of the same benefits, but they are in many cases the mobile versions of the rooms, and they can certainly exercise your brain where concentration, patience, and problem-solving are concerned, at the very least.

2. Conquest Games

This isn’t quite as big a category as that of puzzle games, though there are actually different genres within the idea of a conquest-themed mobile game. What we’re referring to here though are games like the mobile versions of Sid Meier’s Civilization installments, which famously delve into real human history in quite a lot of detail. Simply put, games like these that teach real history can exercise the brain and help to improve memory, association, attention to detail, and specific knowledge.

3. Poker Games

Poker games are actually among the oldest ones available on mobile phones, though they’re steadily getting more sophisticated these days. Poker apps are included among the games spreading gradually into the U.S. through expanding gambling legislation, and even some free-to-play poker games are now employing advanced graphics and features that make them feel like the real thing. Whichever specific app you opt for though, you could actually stand to enjoy real mental benefits. Various medical studies have actually hinted at poker’s benefits in everything from improving focus and attention to detail to combating Alzheimer’s Disease!

4. Quiz Apps

Some might consider quiz apps to comprise their own category aside from gaming, but the distinction isn’t particularly important. Either way there are dozens if not hundreds of accessible quiz apps, and each and every one of them can teach specific knowledge and keep the mind sharp in general. It’s virtually never a bad idea to test your knowledge, and these kinds of games help people do it on a daily basis.

5. Brain-Trainers

Lastly, and most overtly, there are also apps specifically designed to train the brain. These are in some cases actually designed with medical input and consideration, but they’re still game-like in nature, or at least include games more often than not. The specific training varies from one app to the next, but this is definitely a category you’ll want to look to if you’re curious about using mobile games to improve your mind.

Final Thoughts

Mobile apps, games, and real-world puzzles such as escape rooms are sometimes purely for entertainment. Other cases, such as those discussed here, can be leveraged to help with brain training for better cognitive performance and perception. The best part is, these brain games can often be leveraged during times you’d otherwise be doing nothing else!

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